How I would like this birth to happen

There’s only one month to the due date.

Everyone who knows my history has asked me: do you want a natural birth or caesarean this time? And will you ask for epidural?

The simple answer is: natural birth and no pain relief if everything goes ok. That’s pretty much the same as last labour. I didn’t really plan anything last time. So the natural birth happened as it happened, and I forgot to ask for any pain relief…This time I have done some planning, and my decision turned out to be the same as last time.

I haven’t changed my mind about pain relief. I did forget to ask in last labour and I wish I remembered. I heard if the pain has lasted for too long, it may affect the opening of the cervix due to the muscles being too tense. And then it’ll cause an unnecessary longer labour. Maybe that’s what caused my three days of pain before I had the baby. And probably the reason my pubic symphysis was torn was because I was too tired to push and the force from outside was too much (three people pulling my legs back).

This time I told DH to remember to remind me of pain relief options during labour. At least I can remember I have choice. Maybe this time things will be different.

About caesearean or natural birth, I have changed my mind. The lady who had similar experience to mine told me to have caesearean and not to breastfeed, based on her success experience of having another baby after PSD. I did want to do that. And I did ask in the baby forums and was told I have every right to ask for a caesearean in a public hospital. So I decided to have another baby, following everything she told me.

But since pregnant I have gradually changed my mind. One important reason is what a Chinese doctor said 3 years ago in a Guangzhou hospital. He said if I have another baby and my pubic symphysis is torn again, and if appropriate measures are taken, all my problems can be fixed. My parents are pro this idea. This has affected my decisions. I haven’t been able to walk like normal for 3-4 years due to my pubic symphysis and back problems. I used to walk from morning to night when I was traveling somewhere. Now I can only limit my walks to 10 minutes. This has affected my life. I don’t like the idea of my mobility being limited for the rest of my life. So I want to have a chance to fix up all the problems and go back to the old me. I love traveling. But I haven’t been able to in the last 3-4 years due to my mobility. I hope I can be up and walking again and travel around the world.

So I decided to have another natural birth.

Some good friends have been trying to persuade me to have caesearen. They don’t understand why I want to risk since I had such a trauma last time. I think this can be difficult for others to understand. It was huge. Who wants to experience it again? But for me, I think the thing I’m afraid of is not the pain, but my mobility. I’d rather have relatively short term pain than long term limited mobility.

Since March 2006 when I had my back injury, it’s been 4.5 years that the pains are part of my body. I think I’ve got used to it and don’t really mind much whether it’ll go away or not. Maybe it’s these pains that made me brave enough to have my first baby without any pain relief, and then think I don’t need it this time either. Pain is hard to hear with but limited mobility is harder. I cannot bear with the thought that I’m gonna have to live the rest of my life with such limited mobility. I want to walk, travel, do house chores. I want to change. This second baby might give me this chance.